Being a kid isn’t easy. The playground or school bus can be filled with insecurity and new challenges each day.
Some of the best lessons parents can teach are those that help children “be resilient, solve problems, deal with adversity and roll with the punches,” said Dr. Pauline Wallin, a psychologist and author of “Taming Your Inner Brat: A Guide for Transforming Self-defeating Behavior.” Children with self-confidence are happier and more well adjusted, she said.
Wallin and fellow psychologist/author Dr. Gershen Kaufman (“Stick Up for Yourself”) offered solutions to five common childhood dilemmas.
Bullying
One key to besting a bully is “to make yourself look less vulnerable,” Wallin suggested.
Your appearance matters: “Walk with a stride in your step, swing your arms rather than slinking along stooped over,” she said. Bullies look for weak targets. Don’t appear too timid, even if you feel anxious.
Poor social skills
Looking people in the eye, speaking with a clear voice and remembering their manners are difficult tasks for many children, but Kaufman said simple practice will lead to better social skills.
Many people, kids and adults alike, are uncomfortable in social situations. But the more you practice these skills, the more comfortable and confident you’ll be. At home, role playing and modeling good social skills can improve children’s manners and put them more at ease in social settings.
Managing failure
Childhood is filled with ups and downs, wins and losses. How can parents protect their kids from failure? Wallin suggested they don’t even try. Failure is not necessarily bad.
“Children need small setbacks in order to prove to themselves that they can recover and move on. Be mindful of your own behavior when your kids don't succeed,” Wallins said.
As a parent, try to set a good example with a can-do attitude. Take failure in stride and look forward to the next opportunity.
Increased responsibility
Many parents know it’s easier to do a job themselves instead of nagging a child to it. But children need jobs, Wallin said.
Responsibilities help children develop confidence, make them feel valuable and channel energy into desirable behavior. Wallin recalled a story of an 18-year-old off at college who didn’t know how to clean a sink. To avoid a shocking story like that, allow your child the independence to learn new responsibilities.
Children as young as 2 can do small jobs around the house, and by the age of 7 are capable of making a meal from start to finish, Wallin said.
